Januar 2012 / Oktober 2018
The facts 2011/2012: breast cancer with 26 / triple negative / 4 EC chemos / 11 PAC chemmos (the last one could not be done due to pneumonia) / surgery / wound healing disorders that lasted until November 2012 / a weight gain of 15 kg and the classic cortisone face
I know how it feels when you no longer recognize yourself in the mirror, when you give up yourself as a professional make-up artist and say “I did my best here, applied all the tricks, but I still don't look like myself . ” I know what it feels like to stand in front of the mirror and cry, how it is to curl up on the bed and cry and ask yourself “When does it all end? When will it finally get better? ”… If it is just a matter of persevering in“ creating ”one day at a time, sometimes struggling from hour to hour or even minute to minute. wenn man selbst als Profi Make-up Artist aufgibt und sagt „Ich habe hier mein Bestes getan, alle Tricks angewendet, aber ich sehe immer noch nicht aus wie ich selbst.“ Ich weiß wie es sich anfühlt vor dem Spiegel zu stehen und zu weinen, wie es ist zusammen gerollt auf dem Bett zu liegen und zu weinen und sich zu fragen „Wann hört das alles auf? Wann wird es endlich besser?“… wenn es nur darum geht durchzuhalten, einen Tag nach den anderen „zu schaffen“, manchmal sich von Stunde zu Stunde oder gar von Minute zu Minute zu hangeln.
Before, I could not imagine what it is like to be so physically exhausted that just a few steps lead to a racing heart and you simply do not have the strength to go for a walk.
When people talk about "The Dark Night of the Soul", the moment that gives you the chance to wake up and change your life, then the time of my chemotherapy and the time after was definitely my dark night of the soul and what made me go through was a thin silver thread of hope that eventually everything would make sense and this experience would be important to me.
Today, 2018, I know that it was probably the most important time in my life. An ass kick from the universe, as I thought back then. This experience has thrown me back on myself so much that I know today that I can do anything. Of course you have friends and family who support you at the time. But no one can take away the experience and that's a good thing.
The time back then motivated me to create real hairbands as an alternative to wigs first for me, but then for other women as well, in order to give other women a piece of quality of life during their hairless time. However, I would like to move and inspect much deeper and give courage and strength that it goes on and gets better again!
If you're reading this, in tears, curled up on your bed and wondering when things will finally get better, believe me, it will! You are currently developing from a caterpillar to a butterfly and are in a major transformation process. You are in your cocoon and the only thing I can give you as a tip is to love yourself as much as you can! Make yourself comfortable in your apartment, use all your senses (candles, nice positive pictures on the wall, beautiful stones like rock crystals that give you a nice feeling, fragrant oils, cozy blanket), treat yourself to baths, let pleasant music play. Everything that puts you in a relaxed mood.
And even if it is difficult, do not have a grudge against cancer, because it helps you and is the trigger for your transformation process. I do not wish anyone's fears, worries and pains (mentally as well as physically) but I know today that the cancer experience was one of the best things that could have happened to me and I am grateful for it because it made me wake up. The more relaxed you are, the more love and positive energy you let into your life and feel in yourself, the more you support your body, mind, soul and immune system in healing.
If you find it difficult to focus on positive thoughts, if you need support in your process or just want to talk to someone who has already done the whole thing, please contact firstname.lastname@example.org to make an appointment arrange for a small or large phone call.
I send you a warm hug and send you positive energy. I know how you feel and I promise it will get better!
All the best,